By Greg Ascue
Recently I wrote about some words we use, on occasion, in inquiry:
“Thank you for arising. I love you. You are welcome to stay”
I sense that some people (facilitators and those being facilitated) often use or experience these words (and similar words) as techniques to make whatever they are dealing with “vanish” or “fade”. But what if you could really mean it?
I had the occasion, recently, to use them myself. My own childhood was quite harsh and cruel. I had a step-father that hated me and let me know that continually (in many ways). I have often felt that that was my primary “wound”. But recently, quite spontaneously, I realized that a greater wound was that my mother had allowed it to happen. She knew how he treated me, commiserated with me in private, told me how much she loved me, and never stopped it. In all my years I had never realized that wound and the pain associated with it. People close to me were surprised that I had never seen that. I had sobbing fits for weeks. I had a number of bodily and energetic arising’s too. I just allowed all of this to happen without feeling moved to do inquiry.
Finally, when I did self-inquiry, I looked for “the one who had no one to count on”. I reached a place where I was experiencing a lot of energy in my heart area and abdomen and in inquiring if the energy was “the one who had no one to count on” and I heard a young boy’s voice say “I don’t want to be seen through” and “Why did you let him treat me that way.” At that moment I started crying again and I told that voice:
“Thank you for arising. I love you. You are welcome to stay forever. I will be your mother and father. I will hold you. I will never turn away. I love you. ”
And then I just stayed there with the energy, with the voice, with the young boy. After some time crying, I ended my self-inquiry at this place.
I have not attempted to re-visit this. Although it is very present and unfolding in its own way, I really meant what I said. I will hold this young boy for as long as he needs. If something else is needed I’m sure it will manifest. What did arise for me to do was a review of my life, seeing this boy’s life play out up until now, seeing with the same words, stillness, and love.
Those words are not a magic incantation or mantra. They are not a “trick”. They are to be used for real. You can use words that are appropriate for you. Also, after a certain point, these inquiries and their form are empty and “unfindable” too. Unfindability is unfindable. In the end this leaves doing what is right and true.
I do love this young boy and he can stay with me forever.