Making it on Your Own

by Natural Rest

Image: Michele Penner

By Elizabeth Lavine   For years after I realized that my compulsion for sweets and chocolate was a problem, I kept it a secret. I pretended there was no problem. I didn’t want anyone to know that I had something in my life experience that controlled me. “Me, the strong, independent  one? Led around by the nose by sweet, sticky, dark, gooey substances?” That was a mindset: “I have to hide that I’m controlled.” I’ve come to see, in facilitating others with addiction and compulsion challenges, that this mindset is precisely what often delays insight into the whole picture of compulsion. “I have to hide (from others, and from myself) that I’m controlled.”  And delayed insight is delayed freedom. This mindset—and indeed any mindset that smacks of “I have to hide this,” is a recipe for isolation. Even if our lives are full or human inter-relationships, so long as we are hiding what’s really going on in our experience, we are inauthentic. We are feeding a belief and a habit, “I can make it on my own.” “I, I, I.” Once I openly admitted “my” problem (Oh, what a sweet day that was!) in a group of spiritual seekers during a weekend satsang, the spell of “making on my own” was broken. The identity died. Suddenly, options for help came flowing in; first in a trickle, and then in a flood. (By the way, the “flood” for me, was the Compulsion Inquiry being formulated by Scott KIloby and Colette Kelso.) I heartily recommend, if you feel your Compulsion Inquiry is not giving you increased insights, increased options, and an increased flow of light in your life experience, that you identify and question the following possible identities:

  • The self who can make it on its own
  • The self who is controlled
  • The self who controls
  • The self who has to hide
  • The self who makes things happen
  • The isolated self
  • The self who is under threat if its exposed as not in control.

Additionally, I encourage you to register and attend one of the several Natural Rest groups (Free or low cost) which you can find here: And if the option to work privately with a Certified Facilitator or Trainer is an option that is flowing your way, here is where to find one: Senior Facilitators / Trainers: Certified Facilitators:

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